my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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