I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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