We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
