brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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