we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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