i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I need a beard to bite.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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