dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
