Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
