FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You may now shotgun with the bride
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
