My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
