You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
