Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
