only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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