So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
