Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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