My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I love having hate sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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