your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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