Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
