We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
