even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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