You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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