I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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