Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
