I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
