these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
3 2 1 whiskey
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
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