why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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