honey bunches of taint.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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