watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
