Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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