No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My vagina is very pro this idea
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
