Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
