I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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