Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
