you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
