Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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