I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
