How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
