he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
