Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
