Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
