Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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