I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
