Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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