I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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