I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
