She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
