Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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