so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
