There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
