I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
