roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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