maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
