I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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