He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
