I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
