I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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