Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
did i just pee glitter
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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