It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
