uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
