I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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