i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
