what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
