my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
