I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
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