Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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