Banned from zoo.
Again?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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