I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
